Profunksticated

A recruiter from a firm that places marketing/creative temp workers contacted Profunksticated about a proposal position, calling him a "catch." Seems the client is a health insurer and my resume’ matched their requirements almost to a T. Which is interesting, since I right now have a strong disdain for the insurance industry, or more precisely, the premiums I pay for life, homeowners and especially auto insurance.

The temp firm was supposed to present my resume’ to the client Wednesday. We’ll see.

On related tip, I’ve been feeling surly of late, knowing there’s a strong possibility I’ll be spending time back in the devil-inspired freak show that is White Corporate America, where I’m likely to have a position with a whole lot of responsibility, but little clout to get anything done.

I’m nearly 48, unemployed, my savings are shot, my unemployment is running out and I’m starting over yet once again. Lord knows I didn’t see all this coming in 1981, when I graduated college.

Sometimes I hear it from my father, who sometimes reminds me that I’m in this predicament because I’ve kept moving from job to job. "If you had stayed with (hometown paper), you would have had 25 years there," he says. And I would have spent 25 years wondering what would have been. I’m glad I had the chance to work for a larger publication even though it was 1,800 miles from my hometown.

There are days I wonder why a man in his right mind would get married and have a family. Kills his bargaining position. Employers find out you’ve got a family, then they’ve got your over a barrel.

I guess the thing that gets me is the feeling of not having control over many aspects of my life. The Spouse, a high school teacher, was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis four years ago, and we’re awaiting the resolution of a workers comp case due to a back injury she sustained trying to stop a fight between her students. In the meantime, the income has been erratic. 

I guess what really pisses me off is that I have to depend on The Spouse to help with the household income. I always thought a man should be able to support his family. During my first bout of unemployment 11 years ago, I took a crappy telemarketing job for $6 an hour. My mother said, "That doesn’t sound like a job for a family man." No it doesn’t, I told Mom, but I had to do something, seeing as though I couldn’t get a job at the local Toys-R-Us stocking toys made of low-wage labor in Thailand or China or whereever our shit comes from these days.

The Spouse tries to remind me that some good things have happened, including this job prospect and finishing my certificate courses. She says she wonders what would really make me happy.

What really would make me happy, she asks? What would make me happy is being in total control, but that’s not gonna happen. I guess that even though I’m not happy, I still have some joy. I think there’s a difference.

Peace.