Too Close for Comfort
Profunksticated, after posting some bad news in recent days, wants to go a different direction.
I’d like to pose this question: Are obviously married men really viewed by single women as “off limits?” I ask because for some strange reason I decided to hit a club in Maryland one recent Saturday. I asked a woman to dance. OK, nothing wrong with that. I am wearing my wedding band, so I don’t believe I’m trying to hide anything.
But then this chick suddenly decides she wants to get too close for comfort. I should have gently pushed her away, but being a man, I instead allowed her to get close and myself to get caught up in the moment. After dancing, I bought her entire party drinks (a friend was celebrating a birthday). And even when we talked she put her arm around me and mine around hers. We pretty much spent the entire evening on the floor, of course, too close for comfort.
I told her I’d liked to talk with her at a later time, my intent being to tell her my unorthodox work arrangement. Then finally she asked the question: “Have you ever been married?”
“Yes, I’m married now. My family is in New Jersey.”
She give me a weird look. “Well, is a divorce in the offing?”
“No.”
“Then why are you here and your family there?”
“Because I’m working down here.”
“You mean the only thing separating you and your wife is a job?”
“Yes.”
“I saw the ring, but I assumed you were separated or something like that.” I told her I wanted to talk with her later, but not in the loud atmosphere.
So I give her my number (big mistake), and I leave, somewhat bewildered. She didn’t give me hers.
She said she’d call the next day, but didn’t. I figured she wouldn’t bother.
But no, she calls me the following Tuesday. She starts peppering me with questions about what kind of relationship I’m looking for with a woman. I tell her we can just hang out. She says she doesn’t believe me, because no man can hang out with a woman without wanting as some of you folks call it, chex.
Anyhow, I remained civil throughout the conversation, but inside I became increasingly irritated. Now I cannot remember every detail of the phone convo, but the upshot was this: Despite noticing the band on my finger, she decided to get her grind on me on a dance floor. In her mind, that was OK. But my touching her and holding her OFF the floor was a signal that I might have wanted something more from her. Her feeling seemed to me to be “how dare you lead me on when you know you’re married!”
I must be fair. My flesh would have wanted to jump in the sack with her in a second. But my spirit felt otherwise.
OK, women out there, can someone please tell me why a woman would act in what I regard as an irrational matter? She knew by seeing my wedding band I was attached in some sort of way. Why would she even bother to initiate physical contact with me of any kind? For all she knew, my wife could have been a few miles away rather than 150. Could it have been the “Bahama Mamas” she was drinking?
I felt like she had me sized up over a three-hour period as potential “committed relationship” material and was disappointed when I told her my situation. She also talked about how marriage was important to her, she was married for 15 years, her ex had cheated, she didn’t want to have a relationship with a married man, yada, yada, yada.
I’m to the point to where I either avoid clubs entirely, or when I do go, show my ring to a woman when asking her to dance and say “I only want to get my swerve on, that’s it.”
I don’t think I’m totally blameless, but I do like to go out every now and then.
Any thoughts? Am I crazy?
Peace.
She’s silly, period. But man do I hate when married/attached guys are up in my face the whole night then at the end they want to spring their status on me. I’m not sure how visible a wedding band is in a dark club. I don’t think anything is wrong w/ a little flirting but all that standing/sitting by my side all nite and exchanging numbers is just too much.
Welcome back, K. You’re right, this chick was silly. You would have noticed the ring and you would have asked immediately about my status. But she said she did see the band on my finger early on, but didn’t seem to mind getting all up on me and then she didn’t seem to mind me buying her and her friends drinks. She also invited me to sit with her party.
I doubt if I’ll do that again. Once I’m off the dance floor, it’s gonna be “have a nice life.”
Peace.
Comment by K. — March 14, 2008 @ 2:08 pm
Pro- I’m going to ask you what in the hell you were thinking? Its one thing to be dancing on the floor, but it seems to me you were leading her on. Buying drinks for her party and then asking to talk to her later? What was the point in wanting to speak to her later? Exactly what were you hoping to gain from that communication? Sure, she’s dumb b/c anytime a man “flirts” with me and he has on a ring, I give him a complete mean mug to let him know it ain’t going down. So she’s partly at fault. However, I just don’t understand the logic in bumping and grinding, buying drinks and then asking to exchange numbers. Maybe I could see a 20 soemthing married guy doing this, but I think you are mature enough to know the deal.
Ouch! Damn, 23, you don’t pull any punches, do you? But then I did promise you I would behave. (LOL) Like I said, I got caught up in the moment, or moments, as they were. And I said, I wasn’t blameless either. I did revert back to my 20s for a moment there. What was I hoping to gain? Well, part of my brain was thinking of it “going down” as you say, but I’m pretty sure I would have come to my senses later on. Remember, I was just getting my swerve on, and she got all up on me, and I did take it from there. As I said, I should have either gently pushed her away or backed away myself. And after we’re off the floor, I simply should have walked away.
Comment by S23 — March 18, 2008 @ 10:00 pm
LOL. I was thinking that you told me you were going to behave when you moved there. I don’t pull any punches. I guess everyone has a hot button issue and mine is adultery. So maybe I was harsh. Next time you go out, imagine a devil (me) tapping you on your shoulder telling you that you need to take your azz home before you get in trouble. LOL.
Fair enough, 23. But I thought it was the “angel” that tapped one on the shoulder telling the person not to do bad. And it’s usually the “devil” saying “yeahhh, go for it!” LOL.
Comment by S23 — March 19, 2008 @ 6:24 pm
Umm…. yeah, you’re crazy.
Why?
1) You’re dancing in the club and she gets a little too close. You let it go
2) You buy drinks for her group???
3) You tell her you want to talk to her later. ‘Bout what??
4) You hang all over her after off the dance floor.
5) You want to keep in touch with her so you can hang out.
If you are married and want to stay married, you are seriously asking for trouble. I’m not even entertaining her nonsense because she wasn’t the one wearing the ring
Sher, thanks for visiting. Damn, I asked and got the answer. LOL. OK, I see that I pushed a hot button here. I did say I wasn’t blameless. Guess I cannot defend my actions at all.
Comment by sher — March 20, 2008 @ 8:34 am
Interesting. I am not going to do like many in the blogosphere and pretend that I was never ‘no good’ because once upon a time, I was. Game recognize game-this chick knew that you were married and instead of the truth, I think she wanted to hear the mywifeandIdontgetalongwearegoingthruadivorce story.After hearing that tired lie, she would’ve dove into the sack with you. The truth (which she really did not want to hear) kept her panties on. The lie that she would’ve heard and recognized as a lie would’ve given her an excuse to let loose and have some secks that she could’ve blamed on you later. Get it?
MrsSaditty, thanks much for visiting. Your take is quite different than most. “Game recognizes game,” indeed! After thinking about this post, I do believe that my mind goes places it shouldn’t go when a woman gets all up on me. I should have left her alone, but I kept coming back for more during that evening. Lately, I haven’t even felt like going to a club after this weird experience.
Again, thanks for visiting.
Peace.
Comment by MrsSaditty — April 2, 2008 @ 8:03 am