Hanging Up on the Phone
Profunksticated doesn’t much like telephone calls. I stumbled onto a couple of blog posts, here and here, agreeing with this sentiment. I loved talking on the phone as a teenager and college student. It didn’t matter if they were local or long distance (I used to run up prodigous phone bills in school I couldn’t afford to pay, and many ended up going to my parents, who needless to say weren’t happy).
When myself and the Spouse first met, we talked on the phone for hours. Then when I returned to school, we talked on the phone for even more hours. I would call collect, she’d refuse the call and then call me right back. We’d talk about our lives, past relationships and dirty to one another. Today, I find our phone conversations mostly involve irritating mundane household matters.
The phone became a necessary evil in my newspaper reporting days. I was told the best reporters go out to a scene and see the news for themselves, but deadlines and those stupid edicts requiring weekly story quotas dictated I use the phone. Today, I prefer to communicate via e-mail or text to tell a colleague what I need for a project. I usually will call only if a deadline is approaching and I haven’t heard from this person.
There is a guy in my 12-step fellowship here in the DMV who has glommed on to me and now expects me to talk to him on the phone every day. He even fancies himself my sponsor although I didn’t ask him to sponsor me. Now, you do that sort of thing (talking on the phone daily) to support someone who is completely new to your fellowship and is struggling to get clean and/or sober. But as an experienced member with more than six years clean, I don’t always feel the need to talk to someone one the phone each day. This person seems to believe that because I’m relatively new to the area, he decided I needed a friend when we met at a meeting and he would be it.
One time I tried texting this individual, and he about had a fit. “I like intimate communications,” he said, adding that texting was impersonal. But how personal is it, I wonder, when this person insists on talking to me and two or three other people on the same call? I hate conference calls. The only time I want to be on a conference is at work or if the discussion involves a crucial personal matter.
And I use a cell phone as my primary means of communication here in the DMV. That said, mobiles are frustrating devices on which to hold a conversation, what with the dropped calls, muffled-sounding voices and static.
The only time I would actually enjoy a phone conversation would be with someone who I haven’t seen or talked to in years. Other than that, I’d rather text, e-mail or *ahem* blog.
LOL Pro… that guy from your 12 steps sounds like a woman….
i must, i could buy a car with the phone bills i have accummulated over the past 15 years…. and it hasn’t stoped….
only a select people i speak to, esp partners… now u r scaring me about marriage, if that means the calls stop…. i think i might just be ok with being a girlfriend then…:)
Shazza, I talked to this guy today about his leaving me a couple of messages saying we haven’t talked in four days, and he says that’s how it is when you have a network of other recovering addicts. Only thing is, I know several people in the fellowship, but he’s the only person I know in this fellowship that expects a daily conversation. So I’m not sure what’s going on
About that marriage thing don’t get scared; I’m only sharing my experience with my marriage and phone convos.
Comment by Shazza — August 3, 2008 @ 11:30 am
Honestly Pro… the guy sounds a bit too much, too friendly, too needy, etc… complaining u haven’t spoken for a while??? i dunno much about recovering addicts, but that is not normal for guys, esp someone u have just met….
i am kidding about the marriage, i am a hopeless romantic and dread the idea that at some point the romance dies and everything becomes too ordinary:(.. i want fireworks, all the way…
You’re right, this guy says my recovery “takes a break” on weekends ‘cause I’m not always available to take his calls. He half kids about it, but I’m not sure. He’ll say some stuff like “are you OK? are you playing cards? Are you trickin?” I need to talk to a couple of his actual sponsees to get an idea of what he expects from them. And this guy is well known in the fellowship for somewhat off the chain behavior (e.g., being married but always at meetings, then hanging out in the clubs; always wanting to be noticed, etc.) A whole lot more to it, but I don’t wanna go to far in the blog.
As far as marriage, I hate to tell you, human nature being what it is, you’ll have to work at keeping fireworks going unless you’re gonna spend your whole lives on vacation…..
Comment by Shazza — August 4, 2008 @ 7:09 am
i feel u i lived 3 yrs wo a phone
So how’d the telemarketers catch up to you? LOL
Comment by rawdawgbuffalo — August 4, 2008 @ 10:26 am
He’s not trying to be YOUR friend. He’s latchingon to you to be HIS friend.
Interesting. He likes to say the first time we met at a meeting, I looked to him like I could use a friend, based on the fact I was hanging on the periphery of others’ conversations after the meeting. I really was waiting to introduce myself to folks. Then I was planning on leaving and going about my business. Most guys my age aren’t looking for any new best friends in any fellowship, especially male ones, so his behavior is a bit unusual.
Comment by Hostess — August 4, 2008 @ 3:35 pm
Sounds gay to me. Period.
Yeah, I thought so too at first, but I learned he’s married with two kids. But someone else suggested the same to me. I kinda shrugged it off, but sometimes I wonder. He has shared he had chexual issues when he was a kid. The specifics now escape me.
Comment by A — August 5, 2008 @ 5:12 pm
LMAO…A i agree, when i first read this i thought mhhh… dude likes you…
and there are married homosexuals out there, closeted ones…
Yeah, Shazza, I thought of that. I talked to one of his sponsees, a female, who says he’s constantly calling her also. So I don’t know…dude might be just weird…and remember, he is a recovering addict.
Comment by Shazza — August 6, 2008 @ 6:58 am
I feel him on texting being impersonal…but it sounds VERY strange for a grown man to say that to another grown man. Whoa. I generally prefer face-to-face interaction. I borderline hate texting unless it’s brief and don’t have the time to sit and talk on the phone all day.
K, I also prefer the face to face interaction. Like I told Shazza, it seems he wants daily convos with his official sponsees as well as me. Still feels weird. But then these 12-step programs draw in people (like me
) who are crazy to start with.
Comment by K. — August 6, 2008 @ 10:09 am